Twitter is the new web phenomenon and it’s sweeping across the web like a giant crop duster filled with deadly pesticides.

Twitter is a glorified blog/instant messenger, that allows you to keep track of every piece of your friends/enemies day. It’s basically installing a GPS tracking device on a host specimen and allowing them to come up with “clever” tidbits about where they are and what they are doing in under 140 characters. You can update your Twitter page by: mobile phone, stupid program you download, or visiting the stupid site. A typical Twitter Users day is much like the following.

shitface is awake.

shitface is walking to the bathroom.

shitface is taking a shit.

shitface is wiping.

shitface is flushing.

shitface is considering washing his hands.

shitface decided against it.

3 Hours Later

shitface is at work, wondering what it all means.

shitface is still at work, wondering if Debbie from accounting is wearing any underwear.

6 hours Later

shitface is on the internet.

shitface found an amusing story on an amusing blog.

3 hours Later

shitface is bored.

shitface is considering suicide.

shitface decided against it.

The main problem with Twitter is why the fuck do I need to know every little thought that pops into your fucking head?! A blog is basically that, just more condensed. Apparently that isn’t enough, because every douche bag mainstream blogger is adopting Twitter like the son they wish they had, but is stuck with the son who can’t hit a ball or run more than two feet without needing an inhaler.

If reading Twitter hasn’t made you consider a lobotomy, then maybe the fact that they call messaging on twitter: TWEETING. To hear the sentence: “I’ve been tweeting for a month now.” Makes you want to start stabbing at random people who pass by.

In closing, I hate Twitter. This is one web fad that I just don’t understand and can only hope that it will die away as soon as possible.